How i became a metally Sick person (True Story Of My Life) Part3

College Life

after i finished school, the moment came to decide which subjects should i chose for further studies, this was the time to take decision for my future, as i was poor in taking decisions. so i gave this right to others tell me which thing is better for me, i started my studies with physics maths chemistry. all the subjects were English and it was hard to understand it , as my previous books were in my native language , so after few months i gave up and decided to go with computer studies. as soon as college life started i felt the freedom, college was away from home, and i was enjoying all the day away from home , hanging out with friends , and this was the time when i was introduced to opposite gender , before that i wasn't aware of what type of creature these girls are .
i learned a lot about females from my class fellows and felt attraction towards them, as it was natural. so i started to follow girls on roads. and in buses. soon i gave up, and then my friend introduced me to the world of internet. and told me how we can chat with girls without knowing each other.
that was something that cheered me up, and then my downfall started, i started to steal money from home and spent in internet cafe. i used to sit in cafe all the day watching adult sites & chatting with girls. so i don't think i attended a single period at college in 3/4 months,  this stuff gave me pleasure and satisfaction, i started to feel less stressful. but at home i became violent and started to beat my younger brothers/sisters. just like my father was doing in our early ages. my mother often told me not to do that, cause they will start to hate you. but revenge was in my mind, i wasn't going to hear any advise.
i started to travel alone to other cities and my only time pass was internet cafe. it was giving me pleasure & stress free moments.
soon father came to know that am stealing the money , and i have duplicate key for secret drawer , so he found the key , and i was caught red handed. he refused to take me back to home. he said i don't have any relation with you, you may go to hell. i really felt bad and thought may be father is right, i apologized that was rejected. father started smoking . and we never faced each other for 2 years.
during these 2 years , i had an affair with one of my relative girl, which lasted for 1 year, then she got married. i felt really bad at that time, and i also started to molest other kids just like i was being molested in childhood. all these things were happening unintentionally.don't waste my money and your time. i looked obsessive as i was not gaining height. and this thing was putting me under pressure all the time, i thought i would never grow tall. and i started to take Calcium  tablets and within months i have seen progress, and my height grown rapidly.  i failed in college for contentious 2 years. as i was deprived kid, so the adult things were giving me happiness, i couldn't concentrate on my studies. finally after 2 years father gave me warning, if you don't get passing marks in this exam, i will throw you in motor workshop,
that day i decided , do or die, and i started to study as mush as i could. and finally passed the exam.  my father smiled for me after a long time, i was feeling much more confident. and i felt that i can do anything :)
so time came to chose subjects again for my graduation. this time i chosen subjects confidently. and diverted all my intention towards study as i wanted to get good grade so that i can find a good job after completing studies. after all this was my father's dream. anyhow these were the golden years of life, i found one of my best friend during this time, we are still friends after 11 years.
during these years i never craved for girls. and did an understanding with my heart, do better in job and you will get a girl to marry , then love her all your life, no one is going to stop. so basically these years were full of hope. Finally i got my degree Bachelor of Arts. and started hunt for job, my plan was i will continue study along with job, i don't wanted to waste my time, so i started some computer courses , as it was in demand and a must to get the job, within months i got a job as i was referred by uncle to his friend and i got the Job.

Job

it was 2005 , i got excellent job, salary was good, and i was flying & dreaming of good days. though it was a contract job for 6 months , but still i was happy, it felt like i got the reward for my struggle. everything went fine, i supported my family financially as it was time to payback , i couldn't forget my fathers words, that i am spending money on you madly . Oh GOD :(
soon 6 months came to an end. and i was jobless again, now study was a not my necessity, money took over all my priorities , because my family was happy as i was supporting financially , so i wanted to win my father's love, not his money . again job hunt started , i got a job after 7 months of struggle, though salary was low, but i was happy, I'll get some experience and later on i can find a good job in another company, and at same time started some other computer courses at night. as it was expected that my uncle will call me abroad. so i wanted to learn as much i can in limited time.
On the other hand my college mates were enjoying life, some of them started business, some continue further studies, and some of them were rich they were just hanging out. the kids i was compared with were also enjoying the life, they spent all vacations in visiting tourist areas of countries , while i was forced to study even more in vacation to get good grade . huh life sucks sometime when i think about those times.
anyhow job was going good and my adulthood feelings were also growing day by day , soon i got a part time job and i was happy, that i am making good money, people value my education. after one year i got a better opportunity and switched my job, this was the time i was full of hopes and i rejected to go abroad because of some family issues. that was my own decision.
here i would like to mention my GRANDFATHER was one of my best friends , he always took care of me, and often discussed marital matters with me. life was good. and at this time i stopped supporting my family financially. because my support to the family was not making any significant changes in my life. so i decided to save the money for my future plans, and marriage was in top priorities. i stopped following girls, as i was sure that soon i am going to bet married , my target was at age 25 i will get married.
i was little confident now, as i was earning good money . so my behavior towards my father turned more rude & violent, we hardly faced each other at home, and whenever we sat together there was never ending discussion started , and at the end we both left blaming each other. and now my father stopped beating me.
Father was still providing me food, but all other things i was managing by myself. time passed quickly, after 2 years my frustrated life badly effected my working life and i lost my job ...

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